English: “The Thinker,” by Rodin, in front of the Rodin Museum, Philadelphia, PA. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
Another CPR for the Soul moment. Over the past several years I have had to take a stand for what I knew was right in battles where friends and family were on the opposing side. Think we all agree when this occurs the frustrations and pain erupt from a place very sensitive within our soul. You want to be supportive of family and friends but deep inside you know their position is wrong. You try many ways to convince them of their errors but nothing can change their minds because in their opinion, which they have a right to have, you are wrong. You may bring research based evidence, data, witnesses, etc. the whole gamet of proof but still they stand firm in their wrongness. Do you risk a family division or a feud with friends?
I ask myself these questions when I must make decisions in regard to opposing friends and family in situations, especially in public forums:
1. If a child is involved, what is in the best interest of the child? If I was not related to or close friends with the opposing party would my decision be different?
2. If I do not take a stand will harm come to those involved?
3. Do I have evidence to support my position? Is the evidence I have based upon the greater good or for selfish reasons?
4. Is the opposition based upon ego? Who is taking a pride knock? Who is not seeing the situation at hand?
5. Am I willing to risk my reputation and my name to continue this battle to the end all-knowing the opposition will be out to ruin me?
If a child is involved and the situation could possibly alter the child’s life in a positive way, then the risk is worth it. Though the situation may have some negative impact for the moment such as a change in living arrangements or moving a child into another classroom, if the outcome is directed towards improving the quality of life, then I will always chose to stand firm. If the outcome is based upon me not liking someone or out of spite, then I need a realty check. Never do something to spite another when children are involved. Too many friends and family members have caused irreversible emotional scars upon their children because they were out to get their ex-spouse or hated a teacher. We need to grow up and look at things with a mature mindset.
If someone is in harm’s way due to the behavior of another no matter if I am related to or good friends of, I will always take a stand to protect. We must consider the acts of harm not only in a physical but also emotional and mental. The scars left from emotional and mental abuse can open years later becoming deadly.
Taking a position based upon hearsay and no evidence is never a wise thing to do. When friends and family are involved, if you do your homework and give documentation, medical facts, reseach-based evidence, or good solid facts I have found often the stand-off or battle dissolves. Sometimes it is a lack of understanding or knowledge which causes the uprise. A wee bit of education and information never hurt.
If ego and pride are involved then sometimes it needs to be addressed. I have witnessed friends and family in high positions protect people they know are in the wrong to protect their own egos. If you or someone you are supporting are wrong, wrong is wrong and a title or position will only make you look ignorant causing others to lose respect in your abilities. A hard lesson I had to learn many years ago. Just best to confirm the problem and focus on solutions instead of excuses to protect the guilty to pull a power move. Never let friends or family cause you to make unwise decisions. Do what you know is right because you must live with the decision.
We have all faced the friends and family members who seek personal vendettas when others do not follow their decisions. It is never a good thing. We wish not to be victims of their frustrations or follies to prove their power. Bullying and fear tactics are often a possibility when you are dealing with extreme cases. It is also a reality you must face. Having been a victim of a life threatening retaliation for turning friends in for extreme injustice and wrong doing, I am often asked if I would do the same thing again knowing what I do now. Yes, I will always stand for what I know is right. This time I would be more cautious afterwards. The reality is I did not choose my friends wisely because I should have never been placed in a situation where I would have to take a stand such as I did. I warned them of the situation I had discovered so it wasn’t like they did not have time to fix it. Where my blog on “Someone knows” came from.
We should never place friends and family in situations were others must make decisions based on wrong or right. We all can work within the “agree to disagree” category which usually doesn’t have situations in regard of evil intentions or illegal doings. We all have a right to our opinions but we do not have a right to cover and hide wrong doings.
CPR for the soul… follow what you know in your heart to be right. Friends and family are important but never so much that you must compromise your personal values and respect. Time heals. Sometimes it is a wiser choice to move on. There are millions more friends to be made. Family… well, we can never chose our family but we can choose to do what is right. In the end it is about the greater good, not who you are related to, a title, money, or popularity.
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Henry Moore, Reclining Figure, 1951, Fitzwilliam Museum, Cambridge (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
…there lived a creative. Life had potential. Everything was explored and investigated to the extent the mind could conjure. Colors could be heard and tasted. Sound was seen and felt. Nothing was simple. Life was complex in a pleasurable way. Nothing was as it seemed, it was only limited by the constraints of the mind. With limitless possibilities the days were filled with nonstop wonders. “No” did not exist. Lessons were learned by doing. If something did not manifest in a positive it was not perceived as a negative but a detour to explore another option.
One day another happened upon the creative. “You cannot do it this way,” the creative was told.
“Why not?” Replied the creative.
“It is not possible, take my word,” the other said.
So the creative took the other’s word and stopped doing. When other challenges and wonders came the other repeated the statement and the creative stopped. Soon the creative grew tired and wished to no longer explore because the voice of the other would say it couldn’t be done. The creative withered away in a small empty room because there were no possible ways the voice could counter.
How many times have you been the creative? How many times have you been the voice of another?
There is a happy alternative ending to this story.
“You cannot do it this way, ” the creative was told.
“Why not? Replied the creative.
“It is not possible, take my word,” the other said.
“That’s okay, I think I will challenge your thinking because I am certain it can. If not then I will find another way,” the creative said with confidence and a smile.
Let’s encourage our children to forge on to discovery and imagination. Let’s encourage adults to push past the limits engrained their minds from the past to take risks without guilt or fear. Let’s be a world of creatives once again.
The End… well, of course not, creativity never ends it is always a beginning.
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CPR for the soul
Posted on: April 30, 2013
Dancing in the Rain (Photo credit: failing_angel)
Ever feel your heart has stopped? I don’t mean stopped beating just stopped feeling. Life doesn’t have the same colorful wonder it once did, it all seems a bit gray and dull. Or when things that once made you all warm and fuzzy inside or childlike no longer cause even a slightest stir; something is definitely wrong. Just wasn’t feeling the words or feeling that inner music like I did.
How does one give yourself CPR for a zap of life back in the old ticker? Had to look deep within my gloomy disposition to see what happened. I noticed that I had not listened to music in a few days, what art I had created was in pencil only, and I had locked myself inside working on projects. Also, I had not danced around the house in weeks.
When the music stops, my heart takes a turn for the dark side of gloom and dull. Admit to you my kids will be dying if I let this secret out, I am a closet dancer. Yes, when no one is around I turn up the turns and dance until I can dance no more or until someone returns home. Love feeling the music engulf me to the point I must move. Music brings the colors back to life and rocks the creative me. To take the music outside to my beloved nature and dance through the tulips (I am showing my age with that phrase) is the ultimate high. It helps to live on 3 acres so I do not scare the neighbors when I decide to blast my tunes and sink my toes into the good earth as I prance about the yard. Sometimes I pretend to washing the cars or watering the plants while I enjoy some dance moves. Another secret, I do like to dance in the rain. Puddle jumping to the tunes of Queen is … let’s just say I enjoy the moments.
Music filled my childhood in all forms and fashion. It is my regulator, comforter, motivator, lovey, and a source of reboot. Today I turned up the music of Blue Man Group, TaxiRide, Savage Garden and the sound track to August Rush. With an hour of pure pulsing tunes and a body moving every which way the music flowed, I was revived! The drawing had more zap. The color choice was enriching, and there was a smile upon my soul.
What grabs your heart and zaps your ticker back into shape? Find that thing which reaches in to your inner being and snaps it out of a funk. Journey back to your childhood to explore what you loved doing more than anything. It might be you must travel to a park and spend time swinging. Could be a watching Scooby Doo cartoons. Or finding that special spot in a field to set your imagination loose on watching clouds form images. Whatever it is, rediscover the jump starter to your heart and soul. We all need CPR for the soul every now and then.
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I Just Do Not Understand
Posted on: April 29, 2013
Two by two (Photo credit: AstridWestvang)
Hear that statement a lot. As parents we often forget what is happening biologically to our teens. From the ages of 13 through 19, teens are not the adults science has proven their brains are not functioning at the same level as the adult brain. Their brains are still growing and making connections. At our house we called the misfires and irrational teen moments as “brain farts.” Something just goes a bit haywire for a moment causing frustrations and some aggression for no clear reason.
Robert McGiven, a neuroscientist at San Diego State University, found an increase in nerve activity in the pre-frontal cortex at the onset of puberty has been correlated with increased difficulty in recognizing other people’s emotions. This ability does not seem to return to normal until around 18 years of age. This helps to explain why teens cannot read social situations as efficiently as adults. They find emotional situations more confusing, leading to the huffy behavior for which teens are so notorious. Brain and Cognition (vol. 50, 173) Oct 02
The cerebellum is also changing during the teen years. This part of the brain deals with coördination and thinking processes. This explains the “mental clumsiness” we often see in teenagers. Researchers believe that exercise , both mental and physical, is important for the development of this region of the brain during these years.
The corpus callosum is the center for creativity and problem solving. It changes a lot during the teen years.
The gray matter of the brain is often called the ‘thinking’ part. It is thickening up to the age of 11 or 12 then it begins to thin out. Ever heard the saying, “If you do not use it you will lose it?” It is true. The brain cells and connections we use will grow, and the ones we do not use are eliminated. It is not fully understood. During the teen years it is important to expose your child to as much as possible. Build as many connections because skills learned during this time period will last a life time. Indulge your child’s whims because you never know what the future holds. Diversity and exposure is important. Tools for Teens, Henry OT, 2005
Hope this explains some of the weird and frustrating behaviors of teens. They really cannot help their behavior sometimes. This isn’t an excuse, just an explanation for some of the mood swings so typical of this age.
What can you do to lessen this behaviors? There are lots of creative solutions that can ease yours and their frustrations. Over the next few days we will explore some options.
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Love letters
Posted on: April 28, 2013
- In: creativity | education | emotions | homework | increasing productivity | Uncategorized
- 1 Comment
Mail (Photo credit: Bogdan Suditu)
When was the last time you received a letter? Not a bill or some junk mail, a real letter from someone near and dear to you. A letter filled with thoughts, dreams, hopes… maybe a private penned message hurried away to that special place reserved just for those letters you wish to revisit from time to time. When was the last time you received a letter addressed to you requesting nothing but your attention long enough to whisk you away in some thoughts with a smile on your face, maybe a bit of blush upon your cheeks? Hard to remember when I bet. We have moved into an electronic age where notes send in a flash to the receiver in a matter of seconds and a reply zipped back just as quick. Though very convenient it still doesn’t match the excitement and intimate level of the traditional hand written letter with the colorful postage stamp in the corner.
If you are old enough, do you remember getting letters from grandparents or friends? The excitement in hearing your parent calling out your name to alert you that you had a letter was a highlight of the week. Many cards and letters were saved in special boxes or containers as memory keepers. I still have two of mine, one is a small cedar chest and the other is an old shoebox. Along with the letters are trinkets and little nick knacks of special times and people in my life. I would never trade those letters for an email or a text.
Challenge yourself to pull out the paper to write someone you care about a personal note. No doubt the person will be shocked with delight to receive such a rare gift penned from you. Can you imagine what your kids would say of they received a letter from you? How about that special love in your life? Have you ever expressed your thoughts and feeling in the old fashion way, say in a letter? I am challenging myself to start writing letters each week to my children and friends. I am not going to allow them to miss out on the thrill and art of letter writing because I got too caught up in the technology to take the time to sit and focus on them.
As a creative, I enjoy filling my letters with visual delights and on some occasions I even make them multi-sensory. Ever get a letter with perfume or cologne sprayed on it? In college, that would have the whole hall in the dorm rushing to your room in hopes of getting a hint at the contents. Miss those days. But, it doesn’t have to be the sensual stuff sprayed on the letter to arouse some attention. Scented markers and the wonders of Bath and Body sprays can make the plain letter a festive occasion. Holiday scents and assorted other fun scents can cause excitement.
You can get creative by mailing your letter in a decorative envelope or a most unusual container. I once mailed my son a letter in a plastic bottle. Please check with the postal service before you labor on creating a unique piece to make sure it will pass the codes. More and more are in place than in the past.
On a side note, letter writing can improve your child’s penmanship and grammar. Letter writing can help with writer’s block. It can even patch relationships. I urge you to dust off your pen or pencil, maybe even the old markers to start a letter to someone special. I promise the experience will be beneficial to both the sender and receiver.
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The great ATventure coming soon!
Posted on: April 28, 2013
Appalachian Trail (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
2014, a pivotal year for me. Every so often a person needs to just get out there and do something totally out of character. 2014 has my written all over it for such an adventure. 2013 will be my year of renewal as I prepare to take on a challenge, a thrill, facing some fears, and reconnecting with Mother Nature in a way I have not done since I was a kid.
My great ATventure will be tackling the Appalachian Trail (AT). Ok, I just heard the gasps and pictured the head shaking. I am not crazy, just in need of something to challenge myself to an extreme point. No, I am not going to thru-hike the trail. I plan to take many small trips over an extended period but somewhere down life’s path I do plan to do a thru-hike. Even section hikes are hard on the body of someone who is not… well, why I am taking a year to prepare for this adventure.
In May I will start my ATventure blog page. Will document my prep both physically and mentally for the trek. Once the ATventure begins I will update my progress as I make my way north on the 2,100+ mile trail. No doubt lots of laughs, tears, sweat, fears, and life lessons will be documented in the blog. I hope to make this a deep soul quest to explore the person I am when taken out of the civilized techno world that I have become so dependent upon to a very primitive and natural one I experienced more as a child growing up on a farm. I see it as a 35 year unlearning experience since it has been that long since I have been primitive camping running free in the woods without fears to hold me back.
Will welcome all advise and tips from experienced hikers and campers. Please check out the new blog in May. I will post the site and in formation once it is up and running.
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If you like Pina Coladas
Posted on: April 24, 2013
- In: adventures | coaching | creativity | dream big | emotions | human nature | imagination | increasing productivity | Uncategorized
- 2 Comments
English: Pina Colada (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
“If you like Pina Coladas
And getting caught in the rain
If you’re not into yoga
If you have half a brain
If you’d like making love at midnight
In the dunes on the Cape
Then I’m the love that you’ve looked for
Write to me and escape.”
- Rupert Holmes, Pina Colada Song
A flash back to the wonderful music of the 80′s. This song spoke to me the other day. How many loved ones have I fallen out of touch with? Thought I knew them but fell into a rut which often happens as we move into the busy and self-centered lifestyles.
How many people did we have a false sense of a relationship with? They played a good game of knowing but in realty they never really did know our inner most being. They played to our outward senses. It was all a game of control we somehow missed noticing until it was too late. Then again, our “rose-colored glasses” might have gotten into the way so we never saw their true inner self either. Despite the reasons we somehow missed the bonding or soul mate factors (this holds true of best friends as well and family members), discovering a stranger in your mist is starling.
The song tells the story of a delusional lover who places an ad for a more suitable partner only to find his lover answers the ad. She was the lady he had looked for. Are you over looking the love or friendship you have looked for because you have not taken the time to explore and discover the passions and dreams of a person other than the generic sort of dates and discussions? Or is your relationship built on false illusions?
If you could write such an ad, what would it say? What is your heart and soul scream out to find? What secret passions and dreams do you wish your significant other or best friend know about you? Is it because you are reluctant to share or is the person never willing to consider your loves apart of the lives you share?
-+
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