creativetidalwave

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DO NOT OPEN

Well, I guess you did if you are reading this. That was a misleading title because of course you would open to read this blog.

Many folks have an issue with following directions. (I am not referring to you opening this blog.) Many teachers vent about students not following directions. I might know the possible issue why so many do not follow directions, their parents do not. Is it a lack of respect or just that pathological need to defy authority? Whatever the reason I believe we are sending a wrong message to children. Most of learning is incidental. If you think your kids are not watching or aware of your actions, think again.

Working in a deaf school for many years I learned the value of incidental learning. So many students lacked a lot of common knowledge often taken for granted. We are constantly learning from events and situations that are going on around us though we are often not aware or participating in them directly. Being deaf cuts one-off from a more experiences than most are aware. They are often clueless of what is happening around them because they are not alert to turn to observe due to a lack of being able to hear to know something is happening.

I will be the first to admit I often question certain directives and rules but will comply for it is what I should do. When you make it a habit of breaking the rules and defy direct orders then you are setting an example for your kids to do the same. When you steal, bully, go against the law, or simply instruct your child to not follow a directive from an adult who is  in charge of an event then you are leading a child astray. So, you do not agree with the position your child was assigned on a ball team. It is not your place to tell your child to defy the coach and play another. It is not ok to pitch a fit and pull your child from the team to get your way. Again, this is teaching your child a bad lesson in manners and promoting bullying behavior. Please reconsider your reasons for not following directions or directives before you do so, it might have a bigger impact on the future of your child than you think.

My blog is to make people aware of daily events that shape child behavior as well as why adults behave as they do which can be a direct result from childhood events. Often we are not aware of the consequences though we often complain about a child’s or an adult’s lack of proper behavior. Please note that life happens and some situations cannot be avoided. I focus on  addressing events that most people are fully aware they are doing but do not think about the consequences. Simple changes can make a huge impact on behavior not only in the current time but also in the future.

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You can save a life

There are no words to express the grief and fear that has overshadowed the United States today in the unnecessary event at an elementary school in Connecticut. This could have easily been my town or yours, no one is immune. My heart grieves for the parents and families as well as the community that will forever be haunted by this tragedy.

Folks, if you know of a child who shows signs of instability or a family which is causing such stress upon a member to which would cause another to snap, please intervene. I know none of us want to be in another person’s business but we all know children and adults who are unstable. Mental and emotional help is out there. Do not think it is not your responsibility. In all the tragic shootings, interviews of those who knew the gunmen have stated a note of instability prior to the events.  I often wonder if someone had spoken up if the event would have ever taken place.

If someone is reading this blog now who is struggling with a roller coaster of emotions, it is not a sin or a crime to seek help. Neither is it a sign of weakness on your part, if anything it is a sign of great strength to seek help. Do not allow your life to be so tormented that you have the need to take such drastic measures to get relief. People do care and are very willing to help you find the help you need.

Every life is valuable. If people do not take action by either seeking help or speaking out… it could be your community next. Intervention is the best prevention. Make a difference, save lives.

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A life lesson at the dermatologist’s office

Acne! One of those awful things that happens between 13 and 25 but can still appear at any point in life. At the dermatologist’s office with my daughter today when I was surprised at the doctor’s mentioning that there has been a significant rise in acne because of stress. He went on to say that life is far more stressful than it was years ago. This man was probably pushing 80 years old so I can say he definitely would know. (I was surprised to such a man of his age.) He said it was a shame we are under so much pressure and stress.

As I was driving home and was cut off many times as well as noting some road rage, it became clear that the stress was showing in myself as a reaction and in the impatience and rudeness of the other drivers. Then there was the drive-thru at Taco Bell, looking at how nasty the cash register was with hundreds of bits and pieces of napkin wrappers and other odd pieces of scraps and dust around just made me think twice about the conditions in which my food was prepared. That was stressful. The apathy of the workers was really concerning. Forty years ago people would have taken far more pride in the conditions of their establishment as well as those who worked there. Sad we must constantly add more and more inspections and regulations but it is a direct reflection upon the way society is today. As the music played on the radio I noticed that there aren’t any songs without a slew of cuss words. Really, when did it get so acceptable for everyone to cuss? Back in the day it was saved for extreme emotions not to spout out in everyday casual chat or music. Oh, I must add the impatience of those texting and calling me as I was busy driving. I wondered if those people actually thought for a few minutes after no response that I might just be doing something and could not reply than send a few more text asking why I wasn’t responding. No, I do not sit and wait for texts and calls all day, I have a life. By the time I got home I think I had a few pimples from the stress of those few hours.

Times might be more progressive and “modern” but I am making a New Year’s resolution to take back the olden days of kindness and proper behavior. I will be cautious of my word choices. I will stop eating out on a whim for health reasons.( Never had people getting food poisoning and e-coli back in the good old days when people didn’t have to be told to wash their hands.) Going to keep the raging temper off the roads when driving and bring CDs of music without the nasty words. I might be the only person “cleaning up my act” but I hope to be a role model or at least bring notice that life isn’t about the negative, it is actually better to focus on the positive… and have less acne and pimples, too!!

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Family Dinner Communication

Family Dinner Communication.

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What happened to manners?

A friend posted that she had a great day which brought out her “glow” because for the first time in a long time people were nice. Oh, folks, that is so sad in many ways but true of reality today. With road rage, the entitlement issues, and children not learning manners, life is not as pleasant as it once was.

I noticed my last few years in the classroom that many teachers did not teach or have manners. Society has become so self-absorbed. If the parents are too busy to take the time to take part in PTA and other school related events, what does this teach their children? If parents are too busy to help with homework because their TV show or internet game is more important, what does that teach children? If teachers are too busy with negative talk and obsessed with the false Facebook relationships they develop with parents and take out such frustrations on their students, what does that teach the children? How many times have you cussed in front of your children? How many times have you flipped off someone in front of your child? How many times have you spoke negatively in front of your children? Who is teaching manners?

Please and thank you are still magic words. Teaching your children to take turns, being patient, and helping others not putting themselves first all the time can make their lives more pleasurable. It also helps to model such behavior. Teach your children that to be respected they must first show respect. One without manners and a good understanding that as a child they are not entitled to be worshipped and raised above anyone. Bullying and rude behavior do not raise one’s status  but for a moment.

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Tis the season for insanity…there is a better way!

Well, that time of year is upon us.  Bright flashing lights, carols blasting from huge speakers or choirs singing at the top of their lungs. Smells of rich yummy foods filling the air tempting you to indulge. The mad rush of shopping, planning for Santa’s visit and family gatherings…. oh, the stress!!! Do not fall victim to over stimulation of the holiday traditions. This is also a time of quiet reflection. Yes, you heard me right. If you get overwhelmed and feel you have no way to escape, tell folks that you need a moment of quiet reflection. No one will think bad of you for taking a personal time out when you throw that little phrase at them.

Your brain can easily get overwhelmed and overstimulated with all the sensory overload. And if you think you have it bad, think about your children. Even more so, think about ADHD and autistic children, it is their worst nightmare! Limit your exposure to the chaos. Shop during less rush times. Check the paper for parade times and routes, you do not want to get stuck in a traffic yam. Balance your diet. Space the carbs and sugar plums out, do not consume them all in a 24 period. You or your child might need some alone time. It is perfectly ok to do so during this time and not be accused of being a “HUM BUG.”

Seek time alone. Reduce stimulation, carbs consumption and sugar intake. Seriously, take time to reflect upon the true meaning of the season. I am certain if you do all the overkill and rush will slow down. Happy Holidays!

P.S. Go Dawgs!!!

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