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It is ok to say no

on March 9, 2013
Super Woman Costume

Super Woman Costume (Photo credit: jonathan mcintosh)

2013 has been the year I have put a new word into practice, “no.” As a person with a huge heart who has always had a problem saying no, it had come time for me to learn how to use the word effectively. I am a push over when someone needs help or anything in fact. My super cape sprouts out my shirt when the “Help!” call is within ear shot. This is not always a bad thing but I found I was getting worn out helping. If you are a helping sort you know what I mean. People come out of the wood works searching you out because they know you are incapable of saying no to anyone.

As the oldest child and one who fell into that pleasing mode, the word “no” was not allowed in my vocabulary. I think I have gotten myself in more messes trying to please. Actually, I have put myself last which is not a good thing. I felt if I said no then it meant I was a bad person. Some people picked up on my screwed up definition and abused the heck out of me from time to time. Guilt trips were a constant for me if my face even looked as if the word, “no” was going to come forth. Even at my sickest I would drag myself out of bed half dead to go help someone. It was the “right” thing to do.

I also learned that not everyone I help is willing to help me if I ever needed it. So many would have more creative excuses than I thought possible. Even worse, when I helped them out later I found they took credit for my work. No person deserves to subject themself to abuse for being nice. No person should feel guilty for saying no to another person. No person should ever place their value on constantly helping.

For 2013, I am saying no more and more to those whom I know are taking advantage of my good nature. Please do not get me wrong, I enjoy helping and rarely do I take any credit. But it has come to my attention that it really doesn’t matter what abusers try to make me believe nor does it matter their nonsense chatter about their disappointment. What I have learned is that helping the appreciative folks and those that truly need help is right. I am not a lesser or bad person for saying no. It is totally okay to back out of a situation when I learn it is not for the greater good but for someone’s folly.

If you have a child or a friend who is overly kind, make sure they know that it is ok to say no sometimes. You might want to assure them that they do not have to “rescue” everyone. Sometimes others can become too dependent upon them to come to the rescue. It is very important to learn to say no without guilt. Givers, pleasers, and helpers never ask for help either. If you see someone who is struggling do to their good nature, jump in and help out by helping them say no. We all need help from time to time as much as we all need to say no, too.

As for me, I had to do something I rarely do, I had to resign from two major organizations because the demands were too much and there were way too many takers and abusers making demands. Did I feel guilty? Oh, yes! But I only allowed it to be a 5 minute maximum moment. Each day I wasn’t being bugged or dealing with numerous phone calls from each group was a day I reminded myself how much happier I was. I did enjoy being a part but when I look back upon the situations I wasn’t in the group, I just supported it while others sat knowing I would ALWAYS be there to pick up the pieces and get things done. Have found better organizations and people who like me are givers, helpers and pleasing sorts. All responsibilities are shared plus I even feel good about asking for help when I need it. “No” is not longer a bad word, it is a freeing one- YES!!!!

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One response to “It is ok to say no

  1. Great post. Thanks for the mention under Related Articles. Best wishes on your blogging.

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