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Taking a stand when friends and family are involved

on May 17, 2013
English: "The Thinker," by Rodin, in...

English: “The Thinker,” by Rodin, in front of the Rodin Museum, Philadelphia, PA. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Another CPR for the Soul moment. Over the past several years I have had to take a stand for what I knew was right in battles where friends and family were on the opposing side. Think we all agree when this occurs the frustrations and pain erupt from a place very sensitive within our soul. You want to be supportive of family and friends but deep inside you know their position is wrong. You try many ways to convince them of their errors but nothing can change their minds because in their opinion, which they have a right to have, you are wrong. You may bring research based evidence, data, witnesses, etc. the whole gamet of proof but still they stand firm in their wrongness. Do you risk a family division or a feud with friends?

I ask myself these questions when I must make decisions in regard to opposing friends and family in situations, especially in public forums:

1. If a child is involved, what is in the best interest of the child? If I was not related to or close friends with the opposing party would my decision be different?

2. If I do not take a stand will harm come to those involved?

3. Do I have evidence to support my position? Is the evidence I have based upon the greater good or for selfish reasons?

4. Is the opposition based upon ego? Who is taking a pride knock? Who is not seeing  the situation at hand?

5. Am I willing to risk my reputation and my name to continue this battle to the end all-knowing the opposition will be out to ruin me?

 

If a child is involved and the situation could possibly alter the child’s life in a positive way, then the risk is worth it. Though the situation may have some negative impact for the moment such as a change in living arrangements or moving a child into another classroom, if the outcome is directed towards improving the quality of life, then I will always chose to stand firm. If the outcome is based upon me not liking someone or out of spite, then I need a realty check. Never do something to spite another when children are involved. Too many friends and family members have caused irreversible emotional scars upon their children because they were out to get their ex-spouse or hated a teacher. We need to grow up and look at things with a mature mindset.

If someone is in harm’s way due to the behavior of another no matter if I am related to or good friends of, I will always take a stand to protect. We must consider the acts of harm not only in a physical but also emotional and mental. The scars left from emotional and mental abuse can open years later becoming deadly.

Taking a position based upon hearsay and no evidence is never a wise thing to do. When friends and family are involved, if you do your homework and give documentation, medical facts, reseach-based evidence, or good solid facts I have found often the stand-off or battle dissolves. Sometimes it is a lack of understanding or knowledge which causes the uprise. A wee bit of education and information never hurt.

If ego and pride are involved then sometimes it needs to be addressed. I have witnessed friends and family in high positions protect people they know are in the wrong to protect their own egos. If you or someone you are supporting are wrong, wrong is wrong and a title or position will only make you look ignorant causing others to lose respect in your abilities. A hard lesson I had to learn many years ago. Just best to confirm the problem and focus on solutions instead of excuses to protect the guilty to pull a power move. Never let friends or family cause you to make unwise decisions. Do what you know is right because you must live with the decision.

We have all faced the friends and family members who seek personal vendettas when others do not follow their decisions. It is never a good thing. We wish not to be victims of their frustrations or follies to prove their power. Bullying and fear tactics are often a possibility when you are dealing with extreme cases. It is also a reality you must face. Having been a victim of a life threatening retaliation for turning friends in for extreme injustice and wrong doing, I am often asked if I would do the same thing again knowing what I do now. Yes, I will always stand for what I know is right. This time I would be more cautious afterwards. The reality is I did not choose my friends wisely because I should have never been placed in a situation where I would have to take a stand such as I did. I warned them of the situation I had discovered so it wasn’t like they did not have time to fix it. Where my blog on “Someone knows” came from.

We should never place friends and family in situations were others must make decisions based on wrong or right. We all can work within the “agree to disagree” category which usually doesn’t have situations in regard of evil intentions or illegal doings. We all have a right to our opinions but we do not have a right to cover and hide wrong doings.

CPR for the soul… follow what you know in your heart to be right. Friends and family are important but never so much that you must compromise your personal values and respect. Time heals. Sometimes it is a wiser choice to move on. There are millions more friends to be made. Family… well, we can never chose our family but we can choose to do what is right. In the end it is about the greater good, not who you are related to, a title, money, or popularity.

 

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