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A Picture Worth a Thousand Words

If your life basket spilled out upon the ground, what would it say about your passions and your life? What do you see in this picture? Could you pick out the person from a group by looking at this picture? If you had to create a life picnic moment, what would be in your basket? IMG_0721

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Big Changes

YES! Creative Tidal Wave lives and is taking some might big turns and swirls. I have been raising the bar in life coaching the past few months. Creative Tidal Wave is all about you, bringing creative and life altering techniques from a wide variety of successful sources. As we all know, one size does not fit all. Lots of great new innovative resources from global sources.

I am very excited about adding Points of You to my business. It is unexpected but precise… don’t you just love that? I bring to the table games that will challenge the way you think about everything, including yourself. You know it is good if GOOGLE, INTEL, Cirque, IKEA, and L’Oreal are using it in their business. Some innovative companies are using it as an interview tool as well. Yes, a game can be a tool to explore team building, problem solving, leadership skills… the possibilities are endless. So what kind of game can be used in businesses, life coaching, counseling, schools, and at home? It is a game based up photo therapy with intriguing words, questions, quotes, and stories. You will laugh, ponder, explore, and learn more about yourself and others playing with you. More on the Coaching Game and Punctum in another blog moment.

Due to seeing common trends in clients and disturbing events happening in the US almost weekly, I decided to branch out to provide for veterans, first responders, and government workers who have PTSD and other trauma related challenges. The Green Cross and the Mental Health groups have created Mental Health First Aid. This provides responders to come in and help during crisis, work with people you may know and  suspect have a suicidal risks, and other mental health issues. A First Responder for Mental Health First Aid can refer clients and families to supports and other community groups to help. By September I will be a certified Trauma Professional.

Now for some really great events. I will present a workshop for the 25th  Georgia Mental Health Consumers Conference in St. Simons Island, GA on using photo therapy with clients to encourage communication. Earlier in August, I will present a creative workshop at the Burson Center in Carrollton, GA on stress management. Lots of great things to come as well.

Creative Tidal Wave is a positive forward moving life coaching service. Whatever it takes, it will happen to move you from the deepest oubliette to the dream castle in the sky. Do not let stinking thinking and trauma stop you from living the life you desire. Catch the wave, and ride it to new heights and wonders you dream of. CTW makes life flow.facebook_May_2015f

 

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The Truth Will Set You Free… not really

We teach our children to be honest and tell the truth. Oh, how many times did I hear about George Washington and the cherry tree during my elementary schools years. We teach “honesty is the best policy,.” The first ten years of someone’s life is filled with lessons and stories about being honest. Trying to understand what we are taught, what we see, and what we witness the adults in our lives do makes comprehending the concepts of honesty and the truth confusing.

The perspective on truth changes as we get older. The truthful child becomes a target for name calling and shaming. It goes from a simple principle of doing what is right to tell an authority figure the truth and you get labeled a “tattle tale.” You learn quickly that telling the truth, even seeking out the truth comes with consequences. Where once the one telling the lies was punished now those who stand up against lying get punished for a duration much longer than those who were lying.

Entering the adult world of  business brings on a more threatening situation for truth seekers.  Whistle blowers become the bad guys. People reporting child abuse and violence in the home are seen as the home wrecker for breaking up a dysfunctional family. People who turn in crooks are labeled as snitches. The shaming and blaming from peers can be unmerciful. Some people are bullied so intensely for doing the right thing the only escape in their mind is to end their lives to stop the torment. Honesty is not seen as a virtue in this day and age, it is seen as a weakness, not being a “team player.” It is sad we live in a country where witness protection and whistle blower laws are need to protect those taking a stand against corruption.  Why do so many people who speak out end up in harms way or worse, dead? We have a serious problem with handling the truth.

It is time to turn the tables on the subject of honesty and truth. We need to honor and raise high those who are brave to expose injustice. We need to reward integrity.

Some quotes to ponder:

”The greatest homage we can pay to truth is to use it.” —Ralph Waldo Emerson

”A life lived with integrity – even if it lacks the trappings of fame and fortune is a shining star in whose light others may follow in the years to come.” –Denis Waitley

”The highest compact we can make with our fellow is, – ‘Let there be truth between us two forever more.'” –Ralph Waldo Emerson

”Honesty is the first chapter in the book of wisdom.” –Thomas Jefferson

” In failing circumstances no one can be relied on to keep their integrity.” –Ralph Waldo Emerson

”The glue that holds all relationships together — including the relationship between the leader and the led is trust, and trust is based on integrity.” –Brian Tracy

 

 

 

 

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What are YOU waiting on?

I am a known Nickelback fan. The song, What Are You Waiting For? spoke to me. A good friend sent it to me during a trying time in my life. I find I refer this song to many of my clients and friends. Here are the powerful lyrics:

What are you waiting for?
What are you Waiting for?

Are you waiting on a lightning strike?
Are you waiting for the perfect night?
Are you waiting ’til the time is right?
What are you waiting for?
Don’t you wanna learn to deal with fear?
Don’t you wanna take the wheel and steer?
Don’t you wait another minute here.
What are you waiting for?

What are you waiting for?

You gotta go and reach for the top
Believe in every dream that you got
You’re only living once so tell me
What are you, what are you waiting for?
You know you gotta give it your all
And don’t you be afraid if you fall
You’re only living once so tell me
What are you, what are you waiting for?

Are you waiting for the right excuse?
Are you waiting for a sign to choose?
While you’re waiting it’s the time you lose.
What are you waiting for?
Don’t you really wanna live your life?
Don’t you wanna love before you die?
What are you waiting for?

….

Everybody’s gonna make mistakes
But everybody’s got a chance to make
Everybody needs a leap of faith
When are you taking yours?

What are you waiting for?

For the complete lyrics, please check various favorite sites and download a copy of this inspiring song. I listen to each morning to inspire me to not drag my feet to get stuff done.  I am in the business of creating and living dreams. Once I found myself in a very dark place unable to believe dreams could come true. Life likes to toss you in dungeons or oubliettesfacebook_july-7 with the false notion we can never find our way out. We find ourselves waiting with thousands of excuses. But why? False realities and excuses leave us in a dark place. Life can change if you ask yourself, what am I waiting on? What am I waiting for? The answer… you are waiting on you to decide to move forward on the path to your dreams. Make them happen, only YOU can. 

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Do You Know What I Know?

December is Emotional Abuse Awareness Month for Creative Tidal Wave. I have been asked why I chose to feature this and my reason for doing so this particular month. There are many reasons, both personal and business wise. I found during the holidays often folks show their best side but will quickly in the shadows turn and unleash upon victims. It is difficult for emotional abusers, narcissists, and bully types to maintain their “charming” disposition during the holidays without a means of releasing their torment to regain their balance. Also, I wanted people to start a new year with new awareness in hopes to start identifying and getting help for family and friends who might be victims. Abusers need to be identified as well so they, too, can seek help.

Do you know what I know? Well, I do know some ways you can stop the chaos in your head from being a victim of emotional abuse. First though, please seek professional help from a counselor or a life coach. The process towards healing can move faster with professional help.

When the inner voices of your tormentor/abuser play in your head, take a moment to rethink. You are now aware that the things they said to you were to control you and to take your inner power away from you. You know you are not those terrible things. Rewrite the words into a positive. “You are so ugly, no one will ever marry you,” to “I am beautiful both inside and out with a heart full of love and compassion. I will find the person of my dreams someday.” The power of positive thinking is magical.

You did not ask to be abused. This person came into your life by no fault of your own. Now you can chose to move on and consider this a learning experience on how to recognize the words which cause pain. We cannot chose our parents, coworkers, bosses, and family members. Sometimes our friends and significant others change after they have gained our trust. It is okay to walk away. Hard it maybe, but necessary to gain your life and health  back. Change your path’s course. Be brave and take a hike to freedom. 

After you dismiss the abusers from your life, I know it is hard, set boundaries. They will try to win you back over. DO NOT FALL FOR THEIR CHARMING WAYS! You do not need to travel back down their path, rarely do they change.

It’s YOU time!! Rediscover old hobbies. Take time to rediscover you. Emotional abusers instill fear as a means of control. Go out and face your fears, try something new. Healing comes the more time you focus on rebuilding your self esteem and empower yourself. Trying new things! Let out old emotions and illogical fears embedded in your mind by the abuser via the arts. Dance out your anger! Paint out your frustrations! Write a poem about the empowered you. Write a book. Sing songs of happiness and write some about your sadness. Hey, you may have a hit in the making. Country music is full of them. And, Taylor Swift has made a fortunate each time she breaks up with a guy. You just never know so give it a try.

The most important thing is to move forward. Leave the abuser behind you. If you struggle with leaving, get help. Don’t walk on eggs shells any longer. Chose to run in grassy fields free from the torment. Look for local hotlines to call if you need help. Ask friends and other family members to help out. Tell your doctor. Seek help.

If you know someone who is being abused emotional and verbally, please step in to help.

This is part three in a four part series on Emotional Abuse Awareness, the Silent Killer of souls.

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Do You Hear What I Hear?

“Don’t be so sensitive.”

“Well, life isn’t fair, get over it.”

“You should feel lucky…”broken-Christmas-tree-ornament1

“Let’s stick to the facts.”

“You’ve got it all wrong.”

“I never said that.”

“You can’t do anything right.”

“Can’t take a joke, can you.”

“You owe me.”

“What did I ever see in you?”

“You will never amount to anything.”

“You just want all the attention.”

 

Fatso, lazy, good for nothing, stupid, idiot, worthless, loser, dummy, ugly….

Do you hear what I hear? Are these phrases and words heard everyday in your life? Is someone who is supposed to love you use these words daily?

We might have used one of these phrases a time or two in our lives when we were angry or upset. It happens. Abusers and narcissists use them daily and repeatedly against those they abuse and try to control. These phrases and words over time become like strikes against the mind and heart of the one being abused. These words are absorbed, cataloged and filed into the memory of the abused to be replayed over and over. The abuser tries to demean, insult, criticize, break down, pick apart, by use words instead of physical means to destroy any means of self-worth and self-esteem their victim has. The abused then also becomes their own worst nightmare with the replaying of these insults anytime they attempt to do something. Abusers want to make sure the abused does not stand up for him or herself. The abuser wants the abused to believe he or she is the true problem. The abuser wants to control as well as be worshiped.

The abuser wants the abused to beg for their love. They want the abused to be so controlled the abused thinks of nothing but the abuser, as in how to please, how to honor and cherish to prevent from hearing such hurtful words. The abuser wants to control all thoughts so the abused will only trust the abuser.  The abuser may show love and compassion from time to time, they will make it conditional in such a way the abused feel he or she must earn the love.

Emotional abusers do not leave bruises, they leave deep scars. A victim may only reach out for help once. Please listen and respond.

Said the little lamb to the shepherd boy, “do you hear what I hear, ringing through the sky, shepherd boy, do you hear what I hear?”

December is Emotional Abuse Awareness Month for Creative Tidal Wave. Please catch the wave next week for more information.

 

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Do You See What I See?

December is Emotional Abuse Awareness Month for Creative Tidal Wave. I feel many are not well-educated in identifying and finding help. The song, “Do You Hear What I Hear?,” spoke to me as a good theme for the series. In the first part of the lyrics, “Said the night wind to the little lamb, do you see what I see?,” triggered within me, do we really see the outward signs of emotional abuse?

Physical abuse and neglect often have very visual signs which make them easier to report and recognize. Emotional abuse is not so easy to see the signs and symptoms plus victims learn to hide them. According to some studies, emotional abuse is more harmful than physical abuse. Physical abuse is not a daily event like emotional abuse. Belittling, bullying, shaming, intimidation, threatening, as well as constant criticism can cause outward behavior changes in those suffering from emotional abuse, both now or in their past.

Behavioral signs which send up red flags that someone has been abused:

Depression

Anxiety

Post Traumatic Disorder

Drastic behavior changes from outgoing to being quiet, withdrawn and shy

In some cases, victims will have a drastic shift to abusing others.

In children you might see these outward signs:

Lack of emotional attachment

Low cognitive or educational ability

Poor social skills

Depression

Trust issues

 

Doubt and fear move in. A victim often apologizes for everything because the emotional abuse has made the person feel as if they can do nothing right. Stripping a person of their pride and self-worth causes significant damage to their ego and ability to function in society. Victims often fall prey to other emotional abusers due to their behavior. Abusers seek out others which they can control and manipulate which causes people who have been past victims to often be re-victimized. Often victims become “super pleasers” to reduce the emotional pain abusers cause. This sets them up once again to fall prey to those who seek out pleasers to empower them and abuse their helpful nature.

Look around your office, classroom, Sunday School class, or among family and friends.  Has someone’s behavior changed? Do you see a significant other overpowering or constantly talking down to their partner or child? Do you see someone shying away from social contact where before they might have been the “life of the party?” It might feel awkward but approach someone you might suspect is being abused to offer help or at least acknowledge you are seeing some signs the person is in distress. The person will most likely deny or offer up an excuse but please know, you have planted a mental seed of awareness that others are noticing. Sometimes it is just as simple as someone asking if you are okay which causes more thoughts of getting help in the future. Be that one who changes a life. Caring matters.

Just a side note in regard to current events happening in

whispers in the wind collage2015:

With all the horrible events of late, I wonder how many of the violent people creating these acts were emotionally or physically abused as children or in relationships? Does their rage stem from past horrors done to them? If someone, anyone… a teacher, friend, coach, or even a family doctor noticed and said something to stop the abuse, would they have committed the acts we are seeing now, happen?  Can a random act of kindness or concern change the future of a killer? Not sure we could actually track the results but I feel sure one act can change a person. I would like to be that one who stopped someone from becoming a monster because they endured torment to create the hate and need to do such horrible acts. As a teacher, I have seen lives turned around due to someone confronting and helping a child seek help. Turn fear into compassion, do not allow it to continue to fester and grown into hatred and violence.

Next week, “Said the little lamb to the shepherd boy, do you hear what I hear?” What does emotional abuse sound like? Check back in next week to find out the answer.

 

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The Silent Killer

The month of December will focus on understanding and identifying emotional abuse. Many suicides and preventable health issues are manifested from people being abused. I see everyday, people who struggle with ADHD/ADD and/or dyslexia, being victims of emotional abuse.  Such challenges seem to be magnets for emotional abusers. I am not certain why but there is definitely a trend, or at least in my neck of the woods.

Some of the ways abusers use are guilt trips, shaming, and bullying. The main focus is to belittle and strip the abused of their empowerment and self worth. Many dyslexics and ADHD/ADD sorts are pleasers. They enjoy helping others out and keeping a balance in the world. This also keeps balance in their world of chaos. Emotional abusers take advantage of the opportunity for their own personal follies and gain.

Each week I will hopefully enlighten you on emotional abuse. Hopefully, you are not a victim. If so, I hope to offer information on how to get help. If you know of an emotional abuser, my wish is that you will learn ways to avoid being a victim as well as ways to rise above. Over the years I have witnessed many talented and brilliant people who’s spirit and self worth were devalued and crushed due to emotional abuse. Some took their relief seeking to an extreme while others are almost nonfunctional. This is preventable. We need to educate ourselves on recognizing and preventing this silent killer.

It just takes one person to stand up and fight. It takes just one person to save a life. Every life is valuable, none should suffer in silence. Be that one voice to speak out. Be that survivor. Be the one to come to someone’s rescue. Make a difference.

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Rethinking Change and Compassion

The world is changing. We are changing. Recent events have caused a stir in our thinking and judgement patterns. It has stirred fear, anger, and restlessness in many. Adult emotions and reactions do influence children. Be mindful of your words around growing minds. Hate is learned. Judgement is influenced by parental reactions.

For a moment, let us think about the refugee children and what might be going through their minds. Life was pleasant. Homes, be they small or large, were safe havens. Life had order and routine at all social and economic levels, pretty much. Then, the terror starts. Gun fire, bombs, death, destruction, and loss of everything which symbolized safety, trust, and security in human lives is gone. In a child’s mind these are game changers, nightmares becoming reality which will forever haunt their daily lives and dreams. Mass hysteria sets in. No one is safe. No place to call home just chaos. Parents and family members are stressed because there are no answers. Life is centered around running for their lives in places they have never been to before. The sounds, sights, and smells of destruction fill their minds, they cannot be avoided. The memories are stored for a life time never erased.

Now, they hear their parents say no one wants them. No one wants to take on the burden to save them or help. There is nowhere to go. No place is safe, not even the woods or random buildings they hide in. Hate and resentment sets in the emotions of their care givers. Anger manifests. Children become second level victims of the rage and fear manifesting in those trying to care for them. No food, water, or shelter, the basic needs which we all seek are not available. Can you see how these terrors will affect the young adult mind as this child grows up?

I wonder if those causing the terror were child victims of war. Where does the hate start? Why would someone feel the need to harm others? Were their parents victims and pass down the hate via bias and judgement? We need to look at what happens to a young mind to cause such acts as adults.

What can we do? How can we help? I do not have the answers. What I ask is that we rethink what is happening and our reactions. How can we empower a nation to fight back instead of fleeing? How can we influence the next generation so they do not hate or lash out with weapons of mass destruction? How do we create change in our own homes so if this happens in our towns and cities? How can we prepare our children to be positive empowered survivors instead of angry hate revengeful adults?

First, let’s develop an understanding of different cultures and beliefs. Let’s learn about them not run from them. In schools in the US now, parents are refusing to allow their children to be exposed to the teaching of world religions. Please know, children do not decide to run to a religion based upon the 10 minute lecture in a middle school class. The attitude of exclusion brings on curiosity more so than the brief exposure. Secondly, let me refer to quotes from one of my favorite books, The Art of War.

“If you know the enemy and know yourself, you need not fear the result of a hundred battles. If you know yourself but not the enemy, for every victory gained you will also suffer a defeat. If you know neither the enemy nor yourself, you will succumb in every battle.”
Sun Tzu, The Art of War

“Foreknowledge cannot be gotten from ghosts and spirits, cannot be had by analogy, cannot be found out by calculation. It must be obtained from people, people who know the conditions of the enemy.”
Sun Tzu, The Art of War

Educate yourself. Understand the nature of those you do not understand. Create a space of knowledge before you judge and attack. This not only true in war but in our daily lives. Our workplace, our homes, and in all relationships, know the other party before engaging in battle or, engaging in alliance. Create a hunger of knowledge in your children at a young age so they will be victors instead of victims.

A third thing, create an atmosphere of mindfulness and compassion. This does not mean to be weak but to listen and understand as not to create mass unnecessary chaos. Teach your children  self reliance. Create a means of self-regulation and comforting in various environments and situations.  Help your children as well as yourself to find positive in the least likely of places. We are never guaranteed a stable tomorrow. Life throws curve balls and monkey wrenches when we least expect it. Build a working tool box of life skills and supports when times turn into the unspeakable.

We create the future within ourselves and those around us. Let’s be game changers for our children so their future may become a more positive environment. No, we can never rid the world of all hatred and violence but we can reduce it. We can also prepare our children and ourselves emotionally, mentally, and physically to be survivors not victims. It all lies in our actions and reaction. Children are influenced by those around them. Let’s be the positive change for the future of our children, and their world. It just takes a spark, make it positive to set the fire a blaze in their hearts to spread to others.

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Singing the Blues

I got up this morning.

Couldn’t jump out of bed.

Felt like a ten ton weight, upon my head.                              old phone 076

The doggies all happy.

And, I’m feeling crappy.

I just need one more,

weekend at the shore.

How to fight the Monday morning blues? Do something creative. This morning, I celebrated the blues. Listened to my beloved “I’m Blue,” by Eiffel 65. Spent a few minutes playing tug-of-war with the waggle tailed mafia. Then made me some, horchata, my new favorite drink. While grabbing the morning nutrition, I messaged my power crew buddies and sent out client positives. To up the fun level because it was not where I needed it to be, I listened to the all time wonderful and motivating, Blue Man Group. By the third song I was ready to tackle my day.

Sometimes you must reprogram the brain to find your happy place. I did fail to mention it was pouring rain and overcast outside. I had a Santa Claus list of things to do while my text message kept pinging sending me more to add by the minute. It could have been a disastrous day but I kept adding powerful mood lifters in a rapid fire until I got my brain in the right mindset. Oh, and I wrote a silly little poem to boot. I know what works for me. Staying in tune to how my body reacts to stimulus helps me add music, power friends, visuals, and sometimes physical activities to my sensory diet of motivators.

This is an activity a life coach can help you create. It isn’t a difficult task but it takes some exploring to find those things which are constant pep-ups. Everyone’s list is different. If you want to try the Creative Tidal Wave method to developing your sensory diet for success, please contact me. I would be glad to help you create yours as well as develop a back up emergency kit as well.

Now, it’s back to dancing my Monday away to Nickelback.

 

 

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